I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Is this like a preordered booty call?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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