So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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