I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
