toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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