i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize