Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
