The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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