im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I FOUND THE LEGS
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
