i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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