Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
