My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
