I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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