Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
