My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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