Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
