I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
try to milk me bitch
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