So drunk its hurt
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize