I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
