it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
