Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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