You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
