eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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