cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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