I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
