I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
