I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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