i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize