it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
