well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Randomize
