great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
