You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
