after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
