First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
