Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
