i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
