Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
