And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
