Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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