hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
