Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
