i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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