Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
