Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
