Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
