I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
