I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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