puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
