I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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