he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
