dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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