you traded sex for a burrito?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
