It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
