Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
