All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
