i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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