Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize