My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
