I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
