i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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