I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
