So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
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