i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
