I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
