My hand turned me down
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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