TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
