You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
